A Painful Memory

I’ve never told anyone this story.

It was winter and very cold.

I was waiting inside the house early in the morning for my bus to come. I had a string of plastic jugs that I was taking to school to donate. Whatever class brought the most, won a pizza party.

When my bus came, I scrambled to leave, but the jugs got caught on the chair.

As I was tugging and trying to get free, my bus pulled away and left me behind. My dad came into the living room and when he found out that I had missed the bus, he spanked me mercilessly.

I wet my pants in fear, but was too scared to say anything. I went an entire day at school with soiled clothes trying to make the most of it.

My dad drove me to school, but I would’ve rather walked. By the time I got there, tears were still in my eyes.

Why was my dad so upset and lashed out on me without giving me an opportunity to explain?

Winter was starting to feel a lot colder on my young broken heart.

Bad Energy Transfers

The world is full of miserable people.

People who are discontent with their lives and are too scared to change anything or take a risk to make a difference.

Just because a person is miserable does not give them the right to take it out on other people. All people go through pain. Sometimes it’s for a season. Sometimes it’s constantly something they are dealing with.

No one is entitled to treat others poorly.

Cutting someone off in traffic. Making a snide comment. Yelling at someone for your own personal frustrations. Your words cut like knives doing more damage than what is visible to the eye. Only if we could see the hearts of men like God does, perhaps then we would tread more cautiously with our words.

Bad energy transfers.

Hurt people hurt people.

It’s just a progression that continues.

Unless we decide to live above our emotions. To rise above the storms that rage within us and dare to be the change we want to see in the world?

Maybe that’s cliche. But it’s a cliche that still holds true and that I need to be reminded of everyday.

I don’t want to become a miserable, embittered person who hates people and feels the world owes me something. Know who you want to be.

I came with nothing, I’ll leave the same way, but hopefully I can leave something better behind and not a path of destruction.

Let’s breathe life into the world around us. We are already witnessing enough death.

My God is Abundant

Have you ever been disgusted with yourself?

In America, in many ways that are easy to see we are blessed, but no place is perfect and we are far from perfect. My friends and I talk often about how other countries are doing things right or at least a better way than we can come up with. However, I am still blessed to know that my family discovered the love of Christ while living here. I want to share the love of Christ with those who have not been as fortunate as I have to know the love of God whether near or far.

But sometimes my attitude is terrible and my thoughts take me down a dark and evil path. If I’m not quick, it spirals out of control and takes my heart to murky depths. I think I can’t tell people about Jesus. I’m not perfect.

Just like the characters in the Wizard of Oz, I too seek courage, knowledge, and a heart. I want courage to do the unthinkable. I want knowledge to work efficiently and intelligently. I want a heart that does not discriminate and is full of love for people.

Bitterness. Fear. Wrath. Grudges.

I don’t want to be held back by these things.

I want to better myself, better my community, and leave this world better than when I started. It’s the desire to make a difference and I know that Jesus can and will make a difference because he has in my life and others around me.

If we would just read and listen to the words he has had written down in the Bible, nothing can hold us back from his love. Nothing can keep us from succeeding in his will except our own free will. And even when we stray, he can bring us right back to him.

How great is my God!

All Who Are Weary

After a long day of work, I was walking home from the train station. I couldn’t help but notice how heavy my bag was feeling. Is my bag really this heavy or am I just tired?

As soon as I got home, I inspected the contents of my bag and inside were four full unopened water bottles.

Then the memory came rushing back.

I was walking about with a camera crew and I thought I better grab us some waters in case we wander too far from home base. The need for water never arose so naturally I carried on with my day and forgot about it.

Life can be that way.

I pick up baggage along the way. It can be a person, an attitude, or just something someone said that worked it’s way under my skin and found a crevice in the wall of my heart.

I don’t realize how it affects me though until I come to the end of my rope. That’s where my true character truly reveals itself.

When Life Gives You Lemons

It’s very interesting the reaction people have when I am going to Japan. Most range from cheer excitement:

“OMG! You are going to LOVE Japan! I am so excited for you!”

Then, some are a bit more skeptical:

“Are you going by yourself? Wow. You’re really brave.”

“Do you know the language? How are you going to get around?”

These questions, though usually well-meaning, inspire fear. The idea of going to a foreign country where everything is so drastically different than what I’m used to is already terrifying to me, but I love it. I enjoy living life in the unknown and not knowing what is going to happen next. Sometimes that’s when God does something really cool because you’re not trying to control every single detail of your life.

Not everyone like me wants to leave the country of his or her birth, but I think everyone should at LEAST once. It’s healthy to get out of one’s comfort zone to see how other people live their lives. You might just learn something that you didn’t know before. To dwell on the fears of what could happen does not do yourself or anyone for that matter any favors. It gets your mind in a bad headspace.

“But you’re a woman, aren’t you afraid something bad will happen to you?”

No, I’m not afraid because I am a woman that something bad will happen to me. See note above about headspace.

I’ve found that most times, if people utilize their common sense they can avoid most dangerous situations. Sometimes you’re put into a circumstance where the factors are out of your control. For example, your flight was suppose to land on time, but now you’re stuck walking to your hostel late at night. Normally you wouldn’t wander alone this late at night, but you have no choice if you want a safe place to sleep tonight. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can with the cards that are dealt to you.

Let this be the lesson: When life gives your friend lemons, don’t be a sourpuss.

Encourage them to make their experience even sweeter. Offer to give them a ride to the airport. Buy them a book as a gift about their destination that offers solicited advice.

Lemons are sour, but you don’t have to be.

 

Sweet Beulah Land

My grandfather is now in the twilight of his life.  The strokes he has had are finally taking their toll on his body. I can see rigor mortis is already starting to set in. His eyes are are eerily still and his mouth is ajar. He kind of resembles that one expressionist painting.

The resemblance is uncanny.

My poor grandfather. He has been struggling with his health for awhile, but now that he is in hospice, we are just sitting by his bedside and waiting for his time to pass.

My aunt and mother sing hymns to him as he lays waiting for the Lord to take him home. It’s heart wrenching. My grandfather is eighty-eight years old. He’s lived a long good life. Married two amazing women. Had three daughters who have gone on to have their own families. He worked hard to provide for his family and was a Sunday School teacher for a number of years. I was the youngest grandchild and was never as close to my grandfather as my other cousins were, but I remember he loved junk food. He would eat worse than most teenagers. Pork rinds, the soft peanut looking things which were disgusting, and of course he loved his sugar cane. He would eat it right off the stalk.

One of my grandfather’s favorite hymns is Sweet Beulah Land which I find to be very appropriate for this time in his life.

“I’m kind of homesick for a country
To which I’ve never been before.
No sad goodbyes will there be spoken
For time won’t matter anymore.

Beulah Land, I’m longing for you
And some day on thee I’ll stand.
There my home shall be eternal.
Beulah Land, sweet Beulah Land

I’m looking now across the river
Where my faith will end in sight.
There’s just a few more days to labor.
Then I will take my heavenly flight.”

In no time at at all he will be with crossing over to Beulah Land to be with his Savior. My grandfather will not have to struggle anymore. That old southern boy will be able to close his eyes on earth one last time and breathe his last breath of air. Tommie will shed this body for a better one in Beulah Land that will not give out on him. He will walk streets of gold with his Best Friend as he gives him the grand tour of Beulah Land.

Stereotypical Sorority Girls

I had never met a sorority girl until I went to the bonfire that night. My only impression of them is what I’ve seen Hollywood portray in the light of one night hookups with neighboring frat boys and Elle Woods. However, these ladies did little to change the stereotype I had conceived.

As we were sitting around the bonfire, everyone knew everyone because they were all in the sorority together. The only odd man out was me and our token male guest who was engaged to one of the girls, so I don’t really feel like that counts.

They weren’t the barbie doll types, but they were all beautiful in their own way, that is until one of them opened their mouth.

I guess some “foreign” girls had applied to be in the sorority. They were having a difficult time writing out the last names because they’re not familiar with anything more complicated than “Johnson”. This one girl said that she needed a tutor for a certain subject and if any of her tutors had a last name she couldn’t pronounce, she wouldn’t want them as a tutor.

I almost called her out right there in front of her friends to point out that she was a racist bigot and that she would be LUCKY if a tutor would be willing to HELP someone as ignorant as herself to go step by step through a learning process so she could understand the materials…but I didn’t.

Since no one continued in that line of topic and I did not have an established relationship with this girl, I figured I should lay the issue to rest unless it came up again.

Stereotypes are not inherently bad. It’s a way to be used to help categorize and organize people, places and things in our memory to encourage survival. Stereotypes only become dangerous when we misallocate them or don’t give someone or something a chance to prove us wrong.

I knew these girls were in a sorority. If I honestly believed that they were the stereotype that I saw on TV and in movies, I probably would not have hung around as long as I did. A Japanese proverb says, “When the character of a man is unclear, look at his friends.” I would not have wanted that stereotype to be a reflection of who I am as a person or a young woman. I wanted to get to know them as a group entity and have them prove me wrong about some things.

Perhaps the girl was concerned about having someone with a foreign last name because that would reflect the language they spoke. Working with someone with a thick accent can be difficult at times let alone trying to learn a subject like Calculus.

However, when we allow that to prevent us from an opportunity to work with someone new and outside of our secure cultural bubble, then that’s how it leads to people having narrow minds and becoming socially ignorant.

Thank you.

*Steps off soap box*

 

March Minimalist Madness Musings

I love this time of year. Spring is one of my favorite seasons (and not because of sports).

If you live in a temperate climate, this is when you begin to notice Mother Nature shaking off the frost of winter. It’s a time of renewal. The birds start chirping their cheerful melodies, crops are planted, and newborns are introduced to the world.

Living in southern California, however, you don’t get to experience much of it. But I do get to go through my closet and purge myself of unnecessary items.

It feels so good to lighten the load. Everyday I strive to live as a minimalist. My goal is to one day live in a van or camper and just traveling around with a toothbrush and a map. I could go wherever my wheels could plow. A modern day nomad is a romantic notion to me.

It’s difficult when you have the burden of society’s expectation of how you should be living your life or what your goals should be. I just want to live a good life. To have enough to eat, sleep, to love God, love people, and be loved.

Today I drove out of Los Angeles on my way to Las Vegas and I couldn’t help, but feel a slight twinge of jealousy as I was staring out at those wide open spaces. Mankind has progressed so far over the years, but our natural habitat is still the great outdoors no matter how many subdivisions we build. It was only a hundred years ago that most everybody was a farmer.

I think what I really appreciate about farm life is the hard work. I don’t have to go to a gym to get a work out. I just go outside and work on one of the many projects that pile up. One day soon I’ll turn to my roots. All in due time.

 

This One Is About Hormones

Earlier this week I went through a super lethargic state of being also known as depression. Which is why I was not writing. I tried. I would lay down and type, but everything that came out was garbage. My mind was rending apart and spilling dark matter on the keyboard. I knew I did not want to share that with people. I want to encourage people, not pollute their minds with my depressing demeanor.

I’ve been worried for awhile now if I medically should be diagnosed with depression. It’s something I’ve struggled with every now and then, but I always come out of it eventually.  In America, it’s easy to get caught up in the pharmaceutical game and just letting your doctor prescribe pills. That’s probably an “easier” way to “heal” yourself,but I am a huge proponent of letting the body work out it’s kinks on it’s own. I’ll do whatever I can to fix my body on my own with diet and exercise before making that leap to medication.

After the mental hurricane subsided, the next day I was fine. Even joyous. I went to work.  I had a great day. I laugh and joked with my coworkers and functioned like a normal human being. That is when I realized that hormones are the absolute worst.

It’s more than just periods and PMS. It’s more than acne on your face.

Hormones are the worst because you never see it coming. And nothing can prepare you for it.

It’s like you’re walking downtown at night and you turn a corner and all of a sudden you get mugged by Hormones. Not only does Hormones take your purse/wallet, but it also punches you in the face repeatedly, then when you collapse from the mental anguish, it kicks you in the uterus just for good measure.

Whenever someone blamed something I did or said because of hormones I would become irate. To me it was a scapegoat. A great way of casting of blame and not being held accountable for one’s actions. However, after these past few experiences, it’s clearer to me now that hormones seriously can fog up your day and is a completely justifiable reason for manslaughter.*

 

*Joke. Please don’t kill anyone. Stay home if you have to.

8 Rules For Dating My Roommates

Most of the time, I try to keep myself out of such matters of the heart. People usually don’t want to hear your opinion of their beau in question. And in the words of the great philosopher Selena Gomez, “The heart wants what it wants.”

However, I draw the line when it comes to my close friends living in same vicinity to my personage. This means that I will have to listen to you talk about this love interest for copious amounts of time. I will have to pliantly listen as you gush about their qualities and attributes. I will casually nod while you animatedly bring up what your big romantic plans are for the week. And politely laugh while you retell a sub-par joke that he told you.

Okay, actually, that last one was a lie. I won’t laugh.

All this to say that if my friendship means anything to you, then my opinion of your date-potential-boyfriend should carry some weight. So here is a list I’ve comprised of the 8 Rules For Dating My Roommates.

8.) Thou shalt not hurt her

I understand we are all human and that we’re going to make mistakes. In fact, sometimes we hurt the people closest to us. But if I ever find out that you have been systematically abusing her physically or emotionally…NO WHERE IS SAFE.

7.) Thou shalt not be a complete bore

I know life is no Nintendo game (thanks, Eminem), but if I am forced to sit and talk to you, I better not be the only one attempting to have an amicable conversation because let’s face it. I could be reading Harry Potter right now, but instead I’m supposed to be getting “to know you.” So in the spirit of love, let’s make like a band and jam.

6.) Thou shalt be groomed

Love stinks, but you don’t have to! Nothing is a bigger turn off then someone who forgets that he smells like a garbage chute and does nothing about it. Some helpful tips: launder your clothes and bedding, take showers daily, and comb your hair. Nothing wins a woman’s heart than a good scent.

5.) Thou shalt not be an halfwit

If I need to explain this one, you’re a halfwit. Cease reading and be on your way.

4.) Thou shalt be generous

No one likes a stingy date and life in the big city is expensive, but it is definitely manageable. You don’t have to go to a five star restaurant, but you better cough up some money to pay for her meal some of the time or perhaps make dinner together. That’s always fun. But you better clean and put all the dishes you used away. Or else.

3.) Thou shalt not spend the night

Maybe some people sleep with their boyfriends. That’s their choice. But in this apartment we believe in waiting until marriage. And if we didn’t hold to those beliefs, the fact would still remain that we have bunk beds.

Because we’re adults. Living the dream of summer camp everyday.

Long story short, you have your own bed. Your own apartment. That’s why you pay rent.

It’s 10pm. We want our alone time. Get out.

2.) Thou shalt have a sense of humor

To get through this life, you need a sense of humor. I believe humor is integral to romantic relationships. When life throws dung bombs at you, are you going to take it out on each other or laugh it off and then fertilize your garden of knowledge? If you can’t laugh together than why are you here?

If you laugh at my jokes. Bonus points.

1.) Thou shalt be a good friend

If you cannot listen while she shares her heartache, if you cannot surprise her with a random gift of pirouette, if you cannot drive across town to pick her up from the airport, if you cannot make a tampon run and stare unflinchingly into the eyes of that judgmental clerk as you do your duty, then you don’t deserve a relationship.

Conclusion

Hopefully, these standards have given you time for reflection on the current state of your own friendships.

If you believe you pass all these rules and can date my roommates, then by all means drop off your resume and references. They will be considered and we will let you know within two weeks.

However, if you even have the slightest doubt that you do not fulfill one or two areas of this written guideline…I accept bribes.